I told myself after this election that I would start writing consistently in this blog to get back to myself, back to advertising, and back to book writing, but I can't pretend that I thought I'd be writing under a different Presidency.
I thought America had grown enough to understand that an intelligent black woman is far better than a felon, but it looks like that's not the case. I wanted to update everyone on my new projects and my frustrations with advertising, but I'm broken. I've never been less interested in writing. I felt like I just watched a fantastic woman get torn down and silenced by white supremacy. It makes me wonder if my tiny little voice is even worth sharing. If Kamala couldn't win, how can I win? How am I supposed to get back up and go back into this racist world with a positive attitude?
I'm so angry. I just want to rage and scream and destroy those who've destroyed my future. My mind is so full of rage that I struggle to write fun sci-fi fantasy novels and stories. I don't want to share my stories with the world. I want to go to the middle of nowhere, live in a tent, and leave the world to its evil devices.
I published my novels during a time of peace in America, but I can't clear my mind of the violent rage that lives there. Writing the last installment of the Aazar Series seems almost pointless. I've always said that I write for myself, but a tiny part of me was starting to think that maybe my stories could change minds, push people toward diversity, and stop racial enclaves. However, is the world even ready for that? Does the world really want to grow together? I don't know. I don't even know if I care anymore.
So, I think I'll just start here. I will vent here quietly until all of the anger and sadness is out. I'll blog until I can finally find joy. I'm so sad because I've spent so much of my life depressed. With Kamala in office, I finally felt safe enough to breathe and grow. Now, I'm doom-scrolling, distrusting those around me, frozen in the whirlwind of mad politics and fascism that follows Donald Trump like a shadow.
Hopefully, blogging will help, but at this moment, I'm behind on my current project and stuck on my other two. If you are interested in what I'm writing (blocked on) right now, check out my author site:
I hope I can see the light soon.